The First Day

Our first time with Isis

Hello again!!!! Well after all the turmoil that is pregnancy and delivery it’s finally that time. The moment you get to look in your baby’s eyes and realize you are now a father!!! It’s an impression that will never leave you. I remember exactly how Isis looked as soon as the doctor put my little girl in my wife’s arms and let her hold her for the first time. Though not exactly the beautiful girl she is now ‘because they are like something from another world. Their complexion is a grayish blue, their eyes are completely dark with no real color definition and their head is closer to a cone shape. Still with all that she was the most perfect being I had ever laid my eyes upon. The feeling is extraordinary and the relief that she is finally here with you is inexplicably soothing. 

Unfortunately it would be another day before I could hold my girl in my arms and really look into her eyes and tell her how much I already loved her. Isis was born on the 8^th month meaning that she was pre term or premature. During the night several hours after she was born as we were waiting for the nurse or Dr. to hand us our daughter so that my wife could feed her we began to feel anxiety as the time passed and no one would come to the room with little Isis. Eventually a nurse came into the room to take my wife’s vital signs give her some medication and dinner and shortly after said the Dr would be visiting us latter. Immediately we began to feel something was wrong. It turns out our little Isis was having a little bit more difficulty adjusting to the outside world which meant she had to be given oxygen. Also she had some problem with her ability to suckle which meant they were feeding her through a tube. The Dr. explained that these were all likely issues related to being a pre term baby. 

After all that now, when I see how grown she is, her level of activity as well as the way she seems to understand things that leave me perplexed and the level she seems to be capable of understanding makes me look back at that moment and make it seem insignificant. Yet, at that moment I felt powerless since she was placed in an incubator with a tube down her little throat a space capsule type helmet over her fragile little head and wrapped in little bundles of blankets. However, she always seemed to be at peace. When you would look at the other babies in the NICU unit she always seemed to be the calmest and relaxed which made me understand that she was going to be fine and not to worry about her. Regardless the sensation of being dependant on what the Dr.’s and nurses were doing and not what you could do is heartbreaking. Still, eventually she grew stronger. My wife and I were able to hold her after the 2^nd day of her being in NICU and the feeling was INCREDIBLE!!!! To see her little hand upon mine and all her perfect miniature features it was almost surreal. I was never the type of person that dreamt of having children nor did I ever even contemplate the idea of having a child until my wife told me she was pregnant. However, at that moment I felt a jolt in my system that said to me “You are a DAD”; “You are responsible for this tiny being”. It feels overwhelming when you hit this realization but at the same time you feel accepting of that challenge as if somehow you were meant to be this little persons’ father. At least that’s how it felt for me. Regardless of all the millions of doubts I had about my capability to handle such an enormous task that lay ahead I felt willing to accept the challenge and with only the greatest desire to always be there for her. I hope that when the time comes you can feel the same. 

See you next week not sure what the theme would be, several ideas floating around hahaha.

David